blood_winged: (Denmark - Oh God)
How was yours? Particularly unlucky?

I woke up to being screamed at that I hadn't done the dishes (because I'd overslept), went down to do them only to be told to go away, so I hid in the bathroom while mother did the dishes herself, crashing them around like they'd done something wrong. I then had a very paltry dinner of a bit of salmon and salad - you'd not think I was the only one in the house not on a diet. I've seen my mother for less than five minutes and she's spent half of that shouting at me, and the rest of it either ignoring me or speaking to me like she might throw something at me. I do the dishes when it's my turn, pretty much every time. I even do Amy's turn when she's out or not up (and Amy didn't even cover for me, thanks kid), and it seems to me that there's no point in my doing anything at all because whenever I forget just one time it's like I never do anything anyway.

Being lazy and being yelled at for it seems like it would be a lot easier on my confidence than doing things and having them completely brushed aside because one thing is forgotten.

I feel so distanced from my family here. They don't know me at all (to take the emo teen angle). My sister and my mother are very alike, they both like soaps, they both like (ew) Twilight, they both like to shop and all those girly things. Me, I'm a nerd. I like Star Trek and computers, and politics and history. Things that mother won't even humour me about. I'm just stuck inside my own head. It's a bit depressing really.

Also my lady week, as [ profile] nasty_show calls it, started today, and I was curled up for four hours with crippling cramp before the painkillers kicked in.. or it went away on its own, I don't know.
blood_winged: (Romania #3)
The fact that my 'leave a comment' link is now cut in half is bugging me. Does anyone with any HTML knowledge want to check through my layout code and see if there's any way to fix it? :T I've looked myself but my HTML know-how is very limited and I have absolutely no clue what I'm looking at.

The faulty laptop that I've spent the past week trying to return has now gone. The courier came for it yesterday, and I would have posted about it then but for some reason that I don't understand I was up all night and too tired to put together my thoughts to type up an entry. I have a receipt, but hopefully that's the end of it and I can get my refund then give dad the money I owe HIM for getting me a laptop that actually works. I'd love to know what happened to that one that it managed to break like that. I have the feeling it might have been roughed up a bit in the van when it was being delivered.

On Monday, I went to Bolton with mum and Amy to see a play, and managed to fall over within two minutes of getting out of the car. The most awful part wasn't the hitting the ground, or the entire right side of my jeans being soaked with ice-cold water, or my sore hip, it was feeling my foot go out from under me and knowing I was going to fall. I hate that feeling. I suppose I was lucky, I could have smacked my head off the floor or broken a bone, but as it was I was just wet and cold and embarrassed. I'm thinking though that I might have fallen a bit harder than I first thought, since my shoulder has been aching since yesterday and the side of my hand keeps twinging. I can still bend my fingers so it's probably not serious, but still. Muh.

I hate falling over.

Mum, John and Amy went to see the new Sherlock film last night. I didn't, because I'm not really that interested, and they didn't seem very taken with it. Amy was getting bored before it finished. I've not really been that impressed with any modern adaptations of Sherlock Holmes though, so I'm not really surprised.

I got a nice surprise in the mail yesterday, too! A letter from [ profile] ishilde, which I have duly written a reply to and I will be sending that off as soon as I can find a stamp. Hopefully the Xmas post won't slow it up too much :T I love getting letters. I also have my Xmas present from [ profile] iiluov, which is a long-since retired TY Beanie Baby that I had as a kid and managed to lose somehow, probably in one of my mum's clear-outs. It might be silly for a 23 year old to miss a toy but I don't care :T

I'm staying in my room today. My stomach hasn't been quite right since last night and I still feel a bit icky. Bluh.


Dec. 14th, 2011 05:00 pm
blood_winged: (Denmark - Oh God)
So, after a week of being horribly oversensitive to everything my laptop does, mistaking every tiny noise for a My Hard Drive Is Crashing sound and worrying every time it does something that I didn't think I told it to do, it's managed to break anyway.

Oh, I'm still using it, but this morning (and yesterday morning) when I opened the lid after leaving it on overnight the screen, aside from a strip maybe 100px high at the top, was a washed out grey/white colour with a pink pixel line and a green pixel line which slowly filtered down for about another 100px before the screen flicked back to normal. I couldn't screencap it, which leads me to the conclusion that it's a problem with the screen itself, not the software. I've contacted Samsung, who told me that it was certainly not normal behaviour (I had held out some small hope that it might just be because of the lid being shut, more fool me) and that I should look into repair or replacement. I don't really want to faff about with getting it repaired, because it would have to be sent to Samsung and god knows where they'd send it or how long they'd keep it, so I called Laskys.

Since the laptop is still under warranty they've offered me a replacement, which unfortunately won't be for about another month since the laptop is out of stock at the moment. They're going to call me when it's back in and I guess we'll sort it out then. In the meantime I'll be getting a cheapish external hard drive so I don't need to go through all the bother of spending three days transferring everything from my old laptop again. I'll just have to make sure I turn off my laptop at night and don't fall asleep with it turned on - since that's when I tend to wake up all out of it, close the lid and go back to sleep - until I can get it replaced.



Oct. 24th, 2011 10:50 pm
blood_winged: (France - Pirate)
Finally admitted defeat and deleted Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name from my webcomic bookmarks. It's very sad, but I think after so long without an update it's not going to be coming back. Pity.
blood_winged: (England&Scotland - Sleep)
I don't tend to miss people, unless there's no chance that I can get in touch with them. Sometimes I miss my dad. Right now, my mum and sister are away in Majorca and while I don't particularly miss my sister (sorry Amy =P) I have realised today that I do miss my mum. I didn't get to say a proper goodbye to her since I was stuck in the bathroom with a stomach ache and I'm currently wearing her dressing gown because it smells like her. As nice as it has been to have the option to just.. sleep when I want to.. because John doesn't bug me about when I'm asleep.. I still miss my mum.

I've started shipping Mexico/Canada. What is this.

Oh, and a meme. Stolen, naturally.

Alphabet Prompt Meme.

Basically just give me a prompt starting with any letter of the alphabet and I'll write you a drabble about it. You can pick a pairing if you like, but I will reserve my right to refuse it. Please no nyotalia.

Fandoms: Axis Powers: Hetalia, Pandora Hearts, Ghost in the Shell, Fushigi Yuugi, Homestuck, Assassin's Creed (1, 2 & Brotherhood), Fable (1 - 3), The Lord of the Rings, The Vampire Chronicles.

A - Art [Mexico/Canada] ([ profile] mamamia12347)
B - Bewitch [Spain/US/UK] ([ profile] anisaex)
C - College [US/UK] ([ profile] mamamia12347)
D - Dance [France/Canada] ([ profile] medev)
E - Extortion [Spain/UK] ([ profile] anisaex)
F - Fluff [Sweden/Norway] ([ profile] chiisana00)
G - Gardening [France/Spain] ([ profile] berwaldox)
H - "Hello" - Martin Solveig [France/Canada] ([ profile] mamamia12347)
I - 'I want to tell you something' [Sweden/Norway] ([ profile] chiisana00)
J -
K - Kiss [Sweden/Norway] ([ profile] chiisana00)
L - Lights [Denmark/Norway] ([ profile] mamamia12347)
M - Music [US/UK] ([ profile] mamamia12347)
N -
O -
P - Poison [Spain/UK] ([ profile] anisaex)
Q -
R - Ring [Denmark/Norway] ([ profile] anisaex)
S - Staring [Sweden/Norway] ([ profile] chiisana00)
T - Tears [US/UK] ([ profile] medev)
U - 'Us against the world' [US/UK] ([ profile] anisaex)
V - Voice [US/UK] ([ profile] medev)
W - Waterpark [Prussia/UK] ([ profile] berwaldox)
X -
Y -
Z - Zookeepers [US/UK] ([ profile] nasty_show)

Pick as many letters/words/prompts as you want. There are no limits (within reason, please). I know I have a bad history of not actually finishing these things but I am really going to try this time xD


Jul. 26th, 2011 05:28 pm
blood_winged: (China - Sexy)
You know I find myself increasingly running out of titles for entries. I refuse to resort to using song titles.

My submission today is going to be a drawing, which has been amusing for me to do since I don't really draw all that much anymore. Here's a bit of what I've been doing. I can't draw cats all that well. But I'm trying >o<;

The shubunkin I've been hoping would live died last night, but the goldfish is still fine, even if he did completely freak me out by being completely still at the bottom of the tank until I stared at him for a few minutes and then he must have woken up or something because he darted off and circled the tank a few times like the energetic little thing he is.

Still sunburnt, though my forehead isn't constantly throbbing anymore it's still pretty sore and tight and is now more red on one side than the other, specifically the side that was turned towards the sun for most of the day. I suppose I've learnt my lesson - wear sunscreen! Even if it doesn't seem to be that hot >n<;


Jul. 26th, 2011 04:25 am
blood_winged: (PrussiaxEngland - Alone)
Sadly, my poor shubunkin, after valiantly wriggling around the bowl for a week with barely any tail left, has passed away. I can't help but feel to blame for it, but... I won't say I didn't know it was coming.

Ah well.. >:


Apr. 20th, 2010 11:39 pm
blood_winged: (Russia - Cold)
I am not in a good mood today.

I'm not normally one for attention seeking.

But I'd like some hugs.

blood_winged: (Default)
I'm a liar, and I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself.

It's not lies that hurt people. In fact the only person I'm hurting is myself. I have trouble leaving the house, and it varies from day to day, sometimes worse than other times. When it's bad, and I skip university (which I do far too often), I lie about it. I lie because I don't want my mum to start yelling at me or my sister to start bitching.

Because they don't get it. Neither of them know what it feels like and it probably just sounds like I'm wallowing in self-pity but that's how it is. Some days I simply can't go outside. I can't face it. It's not something I want to talk to a doctor about because I'm stubborn, and I know that no amount of therapy is going to solve it.

I have plans for my life, you know? Where I want to be and what I want to do, but when it comes right down to it, I would much rather stay awake until 6am and sleep all day than get my butt out of bed and go to university to work towards that future.

Does it make sense to you? Sure doesn't make sense to me.
blood_winged: (Default)
I've finally shaken that cough, though now I've developed two very strategically placed mouth ulcers, one on my top lip and one on the lower half of my cheek, both on the left side of my mouth, which are stopping me eating properly. My knee is still sore, too. I can't kneel on it without it hurting, and though the bruising seems to have mostly gone down, I'm wondering if there's any lasting damage... Meh. It's probably just deep bruising. I did land on the ligament after all.

So. It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be twenty-one years old. I don't want to be.

Perhaps it's a side effect of people (namely my mother) always using my age as a reason why I ought to be doing certain things, but I don't feel 'ready' to be twenty-one. It infers a level of being 'adult' that I don't think I've reached yet. Sometimes it feels like my brain got stuck at sixteen and my body just carried on without it. I don't know if I just didn't grow up or grew up a different way but I'm just not doing the same kinds of things that other people my age do. I'd rather spend my time indoors than go out and get drunk with friends (that I don't have...)...

Meh. I dunno.

My grandparents are going to be here in about 45 minutes, and I can't be bothered. I never have anything to say to them anyway.
blood_winged: (Miku & Kaito)
It's been a slow weekend.

I went 'round to my friend Rich's house on Friday, and finally beat his ass at Soul Calibur. Five times. I could feel his growing frustration as I continued to K.O. him with kicks to the face while playing as a china-doll type girl carrying a Fucking Enormous Sword. I want to recreate her at home but I haven't got all the pieces I'd need just yet. I imagine I'll have to complete Story mode on Normal and Hard and get through Arcade mode before I can get all the bits that I want. Damn that Apprentice. I'll probably never be able to pull another 'magically beat him first time despite never playing against him before' trick. Hopefully he won't make himself too annoyingly difficult, because I quite like Soul Calibur, and I'd hate to end up getting bored of it because I can't beat that damn Jedi.

I've been having some trouble with Fable II this weekend as well. After repeatedly loading and reloading the disk to my hard drive, having everything from simply Bower Lake not loading to the entire game crashing on start-up, I finally deleted it from the hard drive and bought a new copy. The one I have isn't mine anyway, but I digress. I thought I'd give it one last try, so I just put the disk in, and lo and behold, it starts up and runs perfectly fine. Damn bitchy game.

I was going to talk about something else, but I've forgotten what it was.

I went through my AIM contact list earlier. I think out of all of my messengers it's the one I've been on the same name for the longest, and as such has a lot of contacts that are either old or unused. One of them belonged to a person who was, five years ago, a very good friend of mine. His name was Jason Frost. He died when I was sixteen, and I still think about him sometimes. It's hard to know for sure whether someone you only know online is really gone, but I don't see that he'd have any reason to lie to all of us. I finally deleted his screen name from my contacts list today. It's a little saddening I suppose.

I need to get on with some writing.


May. 27th, 2009 03:00 am
blood_winged: (Default)

It's late, and I'm tired, so I'll be brief. I'm only writing this now because I planned to earlier and never got to it.

Labby went home this morning, and I'm still kinda miffed about it. I'd just got used to him being here and now he's gone =/ But ah well. I can only hope he'll be coming back and soon. If not... I should be able to go visit him some time, I hope. Probably not before October though, I need all the money I can get until then. We'll see, I'll look at how much advance tickets are and go from there.

Mother was in a bitchy mood today -.- I mean yeah, I get that she works all day and all that jazz but that doesn't give her the right to kick off at us because there's a couple of plates next to the sink. I simple request to do them would have been enough. Then I get yelled at for looking unhappy, because I wasn't feeling great (not had a decent night's sleep in weeks) and when Amy stuck up for me, she was off again. She then proceeded to ignore the both of us all evening. Can we say 'childish'? 
After dinner I went out for a walk. Was nice to be out of the house and by myself but it gave me too much time to think. Only Amy noticed I'd gone out. Oh well. Good job it's pretty safe over there anyway. Worked a little on my fic but I really need to get back into it. Or back into anything.

I feel, sometimes, like my entire life is a badly written film and I'm not even the main character. Nothing I do really impacts on the main story, it doesn't matter, but still I try because I'm hoping one day I'll be noticed. Sometimes I feel I'm the only person who feels like this. It makes me think - what if this entire world is a figment of my imagination? What if the wall behind me doesn't exist when I can't see it? What if I only feel it because I expect to? I shouldn't think about these kinds of things, it makes my head hurt.

Last night I managed to cut myself off from the internet by changing the security settings on my router via the laptop. Bit silly really - I was trying to do something, I didn't realise it would cut me off like that. So, instead of being the day of rest I'd hoped it would be, I ended up fretting until 6am and then waking up at ten to midday and getting straight up to fix it. Luckily I didn't do anything I couldn't fix from the desktop.

My God, that desktop. It's so slow I want to stab it.

blood_winged: (Default)

... but then, it's hard to feel your best at 3:30 in the morning when you're lying awake worrying about a million things at once and listening to your stomach gurgle. I keep getting this feeling of nausea and the taste of bile in my throat but I know I'm not going to throw up. There's always a warning for that... this horrible sensation of the muscles in my throat loosening and there's really nothing you can do about it after that

I'm not happy. I'm so sure I failed that exam and while I'm trying not to care it isn't as easy as it seems. All I can hope for is I passed the module, even if I failed the exam, so I don't have to do the damn thing again only for my work to be capped at 40 marks no matter how well I do. Bah.
On top of that I have friends being kicked out of their houses, one who I've grown very close to having to move back down south so I won't see him so much anymore, and I'm not pleased. I can't say I didn't tell Matt so, though... I reckon it was when they tried to change the name on the tenancy that did it. I told him that they wouldn't let people stay in that house, when it's kitted out for someone in a wheelchair, and none of them were in any way disabled.

I need more to do. I have this feeling that I should be doing more with myself but I'm just too bone-idle to do it. I mean... honestly, I am not a lazy person. I can, if pressed, be as active as anyone, I just have incredibly low motivation. Staying in bed until 2pm doesn't really count as lazy when you only went to sleep at 6am of the same morning. So my sleeping patterns are messed up. It's summer now, which means I'll become practically nocturnal Tuesday - Friday, and mess myself up even more. Assuming I managed to pass that exam (and if I didn't, I'll take it again), I'm going to see if I can do some work for next year's modules over the summer. There must be something I can do, right?

On a final note, anyone (and I doubt it's anyone...) who reads this may have noticed my first entry, where I stated I had a stalkerish person. Well, a friend of mine wanted to host my fanfic/s on his game review site, so he's set me up with a domain and a wordpress. Some things that don't go one here may be going up on there, so if you like my writing, take a look.

That is all. I'm going to go curl up before my stomach explodes. Expect the next Fable fic (now named 'Shattered Darkness') update on Saturday at the earliest.


blood_winged: (Default)

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