You could always stick a keyboard down there and a screen and base unit. Then he/she would be a PC mouse. But then they'd need the uniform and the silly pointy hat probably a souped-up Subaru Impreza and how the h*ll are you going to get all THAT behind the cooker?

You need better cheese. With a blob of superglue on. That way he/she will still be trying to run off with it as the trap comes down.

:( ouch!