blood_winged (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blood_winged) wrote2010-01-15 11:23 pm
blood_winged) wrote2010-01-15 11:23 pm
Entry tags:
Just to let you know I'm still around.
When I first started university I had big plans about what I wanted to do, the things I wanted to achieve. I wanted to get a first class degree, and take a Masters, and maybe one day do a PhD. I wanted to go into teaching.
On Thursday night, I just resigned myself to handing an assignment in late because I put it off for too long, and was left with a choice. Rush it and get it in on time, but probably crap, or hand it in late and lose ten marks. Ten marks that could be the difference between my getting that first class degree or not. I've never handed something in late before. Strangely, I find that I don't care about this.
I'm twenty-one years old, but in my head I never moved past sixteen. I don't feel old enough or prepared enough for this kind of thing, for the idea of needing 'experience' to get a PGCE and for the idea of actually behaving like an adult. I have no doubt that I'm smart enough, and I could do it, if I put my mind to it, but not doing it is a much more comfortable place.
I just don't know what to do. I can't quit now, it would be a waste of three years of my life and a £10,000 debt. Everything I've done in the past five years has geared me towards becoming a teacher. It is what I want to do, I just no longer see myself as able to do it...
On another note, for those who care, I'm working on chapter fourteen and should hopefully have it done tonight. =)
On Thursday night, I just resigned myself to handing an assignment in late because I put it off for too long, and was left with a choice. Rush it and get it in on time, but probably crap, or hand it in late and lose ten marks. Ten marks that could be the difference between my getting that first class degree or not. I've never handed something in late before. Strangely, I find that I don't care about this.
I'm twenty-one years old, but in my head I never moved past sixteen. I don't feel old enough or prepared enough for this kind of thing, for the idea of needing 'experience' to get a PGCE and for the idea of actually behaving like an adult. I have no doubt that I'm smart enough, and I could do it, if I put my mind to it, but not doing it is a much more comfortable place.
I just don't know what to do. I can't quit now, it would be a waste of three years of my life and a £10,000 debt. Everything I've done in the past five years has geared me towards becoming a teacher. It is what I want to do, I just no longer see myself as able to do it...
On another note, for those who care, I'm working on chapter fourteen and should hopefully have it done tonight. =)