[Fanfic] The Words I Never Said
May. 19th, 2010 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blood_wingedTitle: The Words I Never Said
Genre: Angst/Deathfic
Pairing/s: Austria/Switzerland
Rating/Warnings: Heavy angst.PG.
Summary: Shortfic. If I put a summary it'll give it away~
*****
Nobody knew what to say, so they said nothing.
It had come as a shock to them all when Roderich had finally succumbed – he had been so determinedly stubborn, never once asking for help.
They paid their respects and slowly drifted away, leaving only one behind. The ashen-faced blonde had remained stoic and expressionless through the service, and even now he barely showed his grief as he approached the casket and swallowed once, heavily, before he looked down.
It was out of habit that he straightened Roderich’s cuffs, fixed a stray lock of hair, lightly smoothed the soft fabric of his cravat and then gently, tenderly brushed one thumb across his lips. His heart pounded and the words stuck in his throat, and he felt them burning there, his vision hazing.
Roderich, I…
For all his complaints over the years he couldn’t fault him. He could never truly fault him. He had been endlessly patient, kind, never once raising his voice and heeding to every single one of his temperamental lover’s whims. They had fought, but he had always been there.
It was almost impossible to believe now that those fingers would never touch him again, would never treat him with the care and loving attention that he had always claimed to hate but secretly craved. He would never…
He shut his eyes and let out a slow, shuddering breath. Harsh words came so easily, and God knew Roderich had heard enough of them over the time they had spent together. Why was it still so hard now… why had it always been so hard… just to say the words that his heart felt but his lips had never spoken.
I…
Vash gripped the side of the casket, his knuckles whitening. Roderich looked so peaceful, so untroubled, and all Vash wanted to do was hit him. He was angry. Tears finally broke and spilled hotly down his cheeks, half-strangled by those words that he still couldn’t say.
“Bastard,” he choked out. “Just who do you think you are, leaving me like this?” He turned away, and took two steps towards the door before he spun back on his heel, his voice raised and echoing in the empty room.
“You couldn’t just have asked for help, could you, idiot! I would have helped you! I would have…” Vash pressed one hand to his mouth, stifling a sob, gritting his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly.
I’m so sorry…
“How could you just… die? There was so much that I… I still had things to say to you, damnit!”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
“I…” He found one of Roderich’s hands and gripped it, the smooth skin cold and waxy. “Damnit, Roderich…” There were the tears again, and he let them fall. “You knew… you knew all along, why do I have to say it?” Dropping the man’s hand he paced away, then back, and pushed his fingers through his hair, tugging hard. “I… I…”
He clenched his fists, his jaw set, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing, and slammed one hand down on the closed half of the casket.
“I love you! There! Are you happy now! Are you?!” Vash stood, breathing hard, for several long moments before all the strength seemed to drain from him and his shoulders slumped. “I love you… Roderich…”
I wish… I wish I could have told you… but I think you knew.
Genre: Angst/Deathfic
Pairing/s: Austria/Switzerland
Rating/Warnings: Heavy angst.PG.
Summary: Shortfic. If I put a summary it'll give it away~
*****
Nobody knew what to say, so they said nothing.
It had come as a shock to them all when Roderich had finally succumbed – he had been so determinedly stubborn, never once asking for help.
They paid their respects and slowly drifted away, leaving only one behind. The ashen-faced blonde had remained stoic and expressionless through the service, and even now he barely showed his grief as he approached the casket and swallowed once, heavily, before he looked down.
It was out of habit that he straightened Roderich’s cuffs, fixed a stray lock of hair, lightly smoothed the soft fabric of his cravat and then gently, tenderly brushed one thumb across his lips. His heart pounded and the words stuck in his throat, and he felt them burning there, his vision hazing.
Roderich, I…
For all his complaints over the years he couldn’t fault him. He could never truly fault him. He had been endlessly patient, kind, never once raising his voice and heeding to every single one of his temperamental lover’s whims. They had fought, but he had always been there.
It was almost impossible to believe now that those fingers would never touch him again, would never treat him with the care and loving attention that he had always claimed to hate but secretly craved. He would never…
He shut his eyes and let out a slow, shuddering breath. Harsh words came so easily, and God knew Roderich had heard enough of them over the time they had spent together. Why was it still so hard now… why had it always been so hard… just to say the words that his heart felt but his lips had never spoken.
I…
Vash gripped the side of the casket, his knuckles whitening. Roderich looked so peaceful, so untroubled, and all Vash wanted to do was hit him. He was angry. Tears finally broke and spilled hotly down his cheeks, half-strangled by those words that he still couldn’t say.
“Bastard,” he choked out. “Just who do you think you are, leaving me like this?” He turned away, and took two steps towards the door before he spun back on his heel, his voice raised and echoing in the empty room.
“You couldn’t just have asked for help, could you, idiot! I would have helped you! I would have…” Vash pressed one hand to his mouth, stifling a sob, gritting his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly.
I’m so sorry…
“How could you just… die? There was so much that I… I still had things to say to you, damnit!”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
“I…” He found one of Roderich’s hands and gripped it, the smooth skin cold and waxy. “Damnit, Roderich…” There were the tears again, and he let them fall. “You knew… you knew all along, why do I have to say it?” Dropping the man’s hand he paced away, then back, and pushed his fingers through his hair, tugging hard. “I… I…”
He clenched his fists, his jaw set, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing, and slammed one hand down on the closed half of the casket.
“I love you! There! Are you happy now! Are you?!” Vash stood, breathing hard, for several long moments before all the strength seemed to drain from him and his shoulders slumped. “I love you… Roderich…”
I wish… I wish I could have told you… but I think you knew.
