[Fanfic] The Words I Never Said
May. 19th, 2010 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blood_wingedTitle: The Words I Never Said
Genre: Angst/Deathfic
Pairing/s: Austria/Switzerland
Rating/Warnings: Heavy angst.PG.
Summary: Shortfic. If I put a summary it'll give it away~
*****
Nobody knew what to say, so they said nothing.
It had come as a shock to them all when Roderich had finally succumbed – he had been so determinedly stubborn, never once asking for help.
They paid their respects and slowly drifted away, leaving only one behind. The ashen-faced blonde had remained stoic and expressionless through the service, and even now he barely showed his grief as he approached the casket and swallowed once, heavily, before he looked down.
It was out of habit that he straightened Roderich’s cuffs, fixed a stray lock of hair, lightly smoothed the soft fabric of his cravat and then gently, tenderly brushed one thumb across his lips. His heart pounded and the words stuck in his throat, and he felt them burning there, his vision hazing.
Roderich, I…
For all his complaints over the years he couldn’t fault him. He could never truly fault him. He had been endlessly patient, kind, never once raising his voice and heeding to every single one of his temperamental lover’s whims. They had fought, but he had always been there.
It was almost impossible to believe now that those fingers would never touch him again, would never treat him with the care and loving attention that he had always claimed to hate but secretly craved. He would never…
He shut his eyes and let out a slow, shuddering breath. Harsh words came so easily, and God knew Roderich had heard enough of them over the time they had spent together. Why was it still so hard now… why had it always been so hard… just to say the words that his heart felt but his lips had never spoken.
I…
Vash gripped the side of the casket, his knuckles whitening. Roderich looked so peaceful, so untroubled, and all Vash wanted to do was hit him. He was angry. Tears finally broke and spilled hotly down his cheeks, half-strangled by those words that he still couldn’t say.
“Bastard,” he choked out. “Just who do you think you are, leaving me like this?” He turned away, and took two steps towards the door before he spun back on his heel, his voice raised and echoing in the empty room.
“You couldn’t just have asked for help, could you, idiot! I would have helped you! I would have…” Vash pressed one hand to his mouth, stifling a sob, gritting his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly.
I’m so sorry…
“How could you just… die? There was so much that I… I still had things to say to you, damnit!”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
“I…” He found one of Roderich’s hands and gripped it, the smooth skin cold and waxy. “Damnit, Roderich…” There were the tears again, and he let them fall. “You knew… you knew all along, why do I have to say it?” Dropping the man’s hand he paced away, then back, and pushed his fingers through his hair, tugging hard. “I… I…”
He clenched his fists, his jaw set, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing, and slammed one hand down on the closed half of the casket.
“I love you! There! Are you happy now! Are you?!” Vash stood, breathing hard, for several long moments before all the strength seemed to drain from him and his shoulders slumped. “I love you… Roderich…”
I wish… I wish I could have told you… but I think you knew.
Genre: Angst/Deathfic
Pairing/s: Austria/Switzerland
Rating/Warnings: Heavy angst.PG.
Summary: Shortfic. If I put a summary it'll give it away~
*****
Nobody knew what to say, so they said nothing.
It had come as a shock to them all when Roderich had finally succumbed – he had been so determinedly stubborn, never once asking for help.
They paid their respects and slowly drifted away, leaving only one behind. The ashen-faced blonde had remained stoic and expressionless through the service, and even now he barely showed his grief as he approached the casket and swallowed once, heavily, before he looked down.
It was out of habit that he straightened Roderich’s cuffs, fixed a stray lock of hair, lightly smoothed the soft fabric of his cravat and then gently, tenderly brushed one thumb across his lips. His heart pounded and the words stuck in his throat, and he felt them burning there, his vision hazing.
Roderich, I…
For all his complaints over the years he couldn’t fault him. He could never truly fault him. He had been endlessly patient, kind, never once raising his voice and heeding to every single one of his temperamental lover’s whims. They had fought, but he had always been there.
It was almost impossible to believe now that those fingers would never touch him again, would never treat him with the care and loving attention that he had always claimed to hate but secretly craved. He would never…
He shut his eyes and let out a slow, shuddering breath. Harsh words came so easily, and God knew Roderich had heard enough of them over the time they had spent together. Why was it still so hard now… why had it always been so hard… just to say the words that his heart felt but his lips had never spoken.
I…
Vash gripped the side of the casket, his knuckles whitening. Roderich looked so peaceful, so untroubled, and all Vash wanted to do was hit him. He was angry. Tears finally broke and spilled hotly down his cheeks, half-strangled by those words that he still couldn’t say.
“Bastard,” he choked out. “Just who do you think you are, leaving me like this?” He turned away, and took two steps towards the door before he spun back on his heel, his voice raised and echoing in the empty room.
“You couldn’t just have asked for help, could you, idiot! I would have helped you! I would have…” Vash pressed one hand to his mouth, stifling a sob, gritting his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly.
I’m so sorry…
“How could you just… die? There was so much that I… I still had things to say to you, damnit!”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
“I…” He found one of Roderich’s hands and gripped it, the smooth skin cold and waxy. “Damnit, Roderich…” There were the tears again, and he let them fall. “You knew… you knew all along, why do I have to say it?” Dropping the man’s hand he paced away, then back, and pushed his fingers through his hair, tugging hard. “I… I…”
He clenched his fists, his jaw set, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing, and slammed one hand down on the closed half of the casket.
“I love you! There! Are you happy now! Are you?!” Vash stood, breathing hard, for several long moments before all the strength seemed to drain from him and his shoulders slumped. “I love you… Roderich…”
I wish… I wish I could have told you… but I think you knew.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-19 07:44 pm (UTC)♥ Loved it.
This is the second time you killed off somebody! You said you couldn't bring yourself to do it! Pfffft~ Dramadramadramadrama owo You love iiit like I love iiit.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-19 07:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-19 07:45 pm (UTC)EVER
AGAIN
sobs quietly in a corner
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-19 07:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 06:11 am (UTC);_;
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 06:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 06:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 07:23 am (UTC)Why did you kill hiiiim /dies
Anyways, this was so cute and sad ;_;
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 01:25 pm (UTC)<3
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 08:32 pm (UTC)I love it.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 12:52 am (UTC)<3
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 01:21 pm (UTC)will be more of them here?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 04:26 pm (UTC)More of what? More fics? Angst? Gratuitous killing of nation-tans? Possibly.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 06:41 pm (UTC)I will be looking for some! <3
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 06:43 pm (UTC)It's just hard to think of plotlines D:
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 06:59 pm (UTC)maybe some childhood memories? Or... It is not in time when they where together, but I always loved theme with Roderich on wheelchair... It was never showed in manga ;_;
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 07:02 pm (UTC)You're fantastic!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 07:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-22 08:02 pm (UTC)Like I told, Hidekaz did not write a strip with it, but he wrote about it in other character informations somewhere. I know only Polish version of it. But I found this http://community.livejournal.com/hetalia/7198149.html here u can find some informations, I think.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-21 08:04 am (UTC)There were so many little details that made this so bitter-sweet and almost painful to read. You really showed Vash's inner conflicts well. I liked the little tidbit with Vash fixing Roderich's appearance. To me it really shows that Vash really did respect and care for the Austrian. And the way he just kept choking on the phrase was sad to see but also somewhat sweet knowhing that he did care enough to force himself to say it out loud at least once.
I really do love your fanfics. This particular story is sad because of the character death yet there was some closure with the final line. Good job.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-21 09:47 am (UTC)