I keep doing this and I hate myself every time.

[blood_winged]

I'm a liar, and I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself.

It's not lies that hurt people. In fact the only person I'm hurting is myself. I have trouble leaving the house, and it varies from day to day, sometimes worse than other times. When it's bad, and I skip university (which I do far too often), I lie about it. I lie because I don't want my mum to start yelling at me or my sister to start bitching.

Because they don't get it. Neither of them know what it feels like and it probably just sounds like I'm wallowing in self-pity but that's how it is. Some days I simply can't go outside. I can't face it. It's not something I want to talk to a doctor about because I'm stubborn, and I know that no amount of therapy is going to solve it.

I have plans for my life, you know? Where I want to be and what I want to do, but when it comes right down to it, I would much rather stay awake until 6am and sleep all day than get my butt out of bed and go to university to work towards that future.

Does it make sense to you? Sure doesn't make sense to me.

Comments

[colourbine.livejournal.com]

Awwww poor fee. D: I understand what you mean (well some of it anyways) I'd rather be on my computer all day and sleep half the time than working on my hw and essays and stuff. -pats back-

[pettitdame.livejournal.com]

Oh Dear don't feel bad. I know it's difficult. Right now i have a lot of problems and i'm doing exactly the same thing that you explain in your post.

I know it's wrong too, and I know I must be looking for my own future, but it's complicated.

And actually I neither know how to call it or explain it to myself nor to my parents. I know they're worried but it's just like if I had lost my stamina for do the thing that i should be doing.

But hey i hope that pass away one day! I hope too that you begin to feel better. Because it's annoying to feel in that way and also feel that you're doing things wrong, and you are not able to do anything.

A lot of hugs for you My Lady

You know that everything that you need to say I'll hear it =) and if it's the case i will bring you any kind of help or cheers up! it would be most of the time virtual but I really hope they help you =)

Ánimo nena! =) todo mejorará ya lo verás =) You'll see that will improve your lot.

Grosses Bisses!

[blood-winged.livejournal.com]

Gracias :)

[lemiru.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, that sounds pretty bad. )= I remember having the same problem on my first year of university, to a point where I just couldn't continue and had to change Unis.

Maybe try to find out what is overwhelming you so much, and try to change it? And please, never think that professional help wouldn't solve anything. My brother is dead set in this mentality, and it's fucking up his life so badly.


*hugs tightly, for good measure* I hope you'll get better real soon. Maybe if the weather improves, so will your mood? *moar hugs*

[kasumicc.livejournal.com]

No, it makes sense to me. Sometimes I also feel like doing nothing >__< There are times when energy is simply drained and there's nothing you can do against that. Perhaps it's the weather, or who knows what reason.

And it doesn't matter if they don't get it. Do you get it yourself? That's enough.
Anyways, if you'd rather be doing other things and still, you keep going to classes, you're not doing anything wrong o.o

[blood-winged.livejournal.com]

That's the problem, I've not been going to classes!

[kasumicc.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess not going to classes isn't a problem by itself o.o

The problem is, to fail those classes! Dx